take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
