You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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