I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
