no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
