Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
