in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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