you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
