you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
