I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
