he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize