I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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