btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
