I puked a lego.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you will always have a special place in my vag
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
