im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
