you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize