Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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