new low.... made out with someone while peeing
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
