its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
