Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
