i don't like sucking hair
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
