did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
