I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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