We're facebook friends in real life
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
