watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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