Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
