Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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