I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize