u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
