anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
