I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
