I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
