well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
