I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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