Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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