dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
