i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
