You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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