im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
