I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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