Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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