please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
