True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
