$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
