They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
