If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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