Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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