I think I won the penis lottery.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
