yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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