my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize