Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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