Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
