He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
