some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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