capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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