3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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