I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
