I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There's always time for handjobs
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
