capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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