We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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