is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize