I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
