Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize