stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
