You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
