no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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