She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
