I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
