Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So apparently I’m into choking now
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
